So...

I guess I was wrong.

Congratulations to the 2007 New York Yankees. After coming of age in the 1980s, I can truly say that this never gets old.

Counting Our Cashmanian Blessings

From Yahoo! sports:

Bill Plaschke, of the Los Angeles Times, reports Los Angeles Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti is more open to trading some of the team's younger players in order to acquire veterans this offseason, according to sources with the team. The player most mentioned to be moved is OF Matt Kemp. They feel the team needs more leadership from veterans if they are to contend.

And that, right there, is why Ned Colletti is an idiot, and why the Dodgers are going to finish no higher than 3rd place in 2008.

Still Not Over

Although the Yankees failed to take advantage of A.J. Burnett's absence yesterday, they can still win the A.L. East. They have six games remaining with Tamba Bay and Baltimore, albeit on the road. The Red Sox must play six against Oakland and Minnesota, who, while not world-beaters, are actual baseball teams. If the Yankees can take care of business and put up a 5-1 or 6-0 week, they have a real shot at the division.

To Mrs. Psycho Fan

Today is the fifth anniversary of my wedding to Mrs. Psycho Fan. Included in my vows on that fateful day was this: "I promise not to break anything too expensive if the Yankees don't win the World Series."

Now, five years hence, I feel the need to clarify. That vow doesn't include playoff series with the Red Sox. Obviously. I mean...that should just be assumed, right? And it certainly doesn't include series in which the Yankees blow a 3-0 lead to the Red Sox.

Anyway, happy anniversary Mrs. PS, and I'm sorry in advance for the damage I'm about to do in October. Just be grateful the Yankees have made it far enough that I'm able to cause harm to myself and our furniture that late in the year.

Our Enemies to the North

The Yankees host Toronto for four games in their final home series of the year.

The Blue Jays send their best four pitchers to the mound, starting with Roy Halladay tonight. Aside from wanting to lock up the Wild Card, and continue putting pressure on the collapsing Red Sox, the Yankees should want to beat the Jays for another reason:

Because they're a bunch of assholes up there.

Vintage Pettitte

Andy Pettitte won his 200th game last night, leading the Yankees to a 2-1 victory over the hapless Orioles in the Bronx.

Pettitte went 7 2/3, allowing one run on seven hits and two walks, before yielding to the powerful combination of Joba Chamberlain and Mariano Rivera.

For as long as the offense has carried the Yankees in the second half, it was nice to watch the starting pitching pick up the bats for a change. The Yankees pulled to within 1 1/2 games of division-leading Boston. It would be nice to win the division, mostly for bragging rights, but it's more important that the Yankees face Cleveland in the first round. Anaheim still seems to have the Yankees' number, and the Bombers have dominated the Indians this year.

But right now, the focus should be on Andy Pettitte and his tremendous accomplishment. As much as anyone, Pettitte represented the '96-'01 dynasty Yankees, and the team never should have let his Houston vacation happen. Yes, of course Pettitte has benefited from being on a very good team, but he's been one of the most consistent left-handers in the game since he was brought up. His return to the Yankees has been the feel-good story of the year, and without him, the Yankees might not be in the playoff picture at all.

And I still hate Buck Showalter for not bringing him in to relieve for Jack McDowell in extra innings of Game 5 of the 1995 Division Series.

Vintage Moose

The Yankees rode Mike Mussina's seven shutout innings to a 12-0 stomping of the Orioles last night, and damn if it doesn't still feel good to beat this team and watch their Baltimoron fans suffer.

More importantly, the Yankees expanded their Wild Card lead to 4.5 games and pulled to within 2.5 games of the struggling Red Sox in the A.L. East.

HOWEVER...the downside to last night's game is two-fold: 1) Mike Mussina is perilously close to earning a playoff start, which would be a disaster. Shutting down the doormat Orioles is one thing, trying to sneak 86 MPH fastballs past Travis Hafner or Vlad Guerrero is something else entirely; and 2) Minky continues to play well, all but guaranteeing himself a spot in the post-season starting lineup, which means that once again, the Yankees won't be fielding their best team.

First things first, though: before we start complaining about the playoff roster, let's get in the tournament.

And in all seriousness, congratulations to the Moose for an amazing 16 straight seasons of double-digit wins. In the American League, no less.

Quick Small-Sample-Sized Update Part II

OK, good point, but:

Number of September Game-Winning, Potentially Season-Saving, 8th-Inning Three-Run Home Runs in Fenway Park Off the Biggest Asshole Ever to Pitch a Baseball:

Choke-Rod: 0
Calm-Eyed Jeter: 1

It's the Final Countdown

The Yankees beat the Orioles last night 8-5, surviving another puzzling, mediocre outing by Phil Hughes and a mini-meltdown by Kyle Farnsworth in the 9th.

Fortunately for the Yankees, Daniel Cabrera was his usual wild self (whatever happened to the Mazzone Effect?) and the Bombers cruised to a relatively carefree win.

Hughes's velocity was weak again, as he often failed to top 87 on his fastball, if the YES radar guns are to be believed. Hughes also seems to tire consistently in the 5th or 6th inning, so arm strength seems to be an issue for him right now.

The playoffs are in clear view now, as the Yankees took advantage of a Tigers' loss to move 3.5 games up in the Wild Card. The Yankees are as close to Boston as Detroit is to the Yankees, and they're exceedingly likely to stay right where they are.

Less than two weeks until the end of the season, and the Yankees are in good shape. Which is important because Mike Mussina is starting tonight and Minky seems to have won back the first base job. Some things never change; some people never learn.

Even the Children of Boston Are Horrible

Thanks to River Ave. Blues, we learned about this article in the Boston Herald about a poor, poor little Boston child who was shocked and dismayed that Shelley Duncan signed his autograph "Red Sox Suck! Shelley Duncan."

Seriously? This is news in Boston??

You've got Yankees getting hit intentionally with pitches, Eric Gagne drilling Mariano Rivera with an "errant" throw in the bullpen, and a tremendous three-game series, yet this somehow makes the paper?

Look at the sad little face the kid is making for the camera. I wonder what he's auditioning for. Kid Nation II? He, and his parents, are publicity-seeking whores. It's hard to blame a 10-year-old kid for anything, especially when he has parents who have so clearly led him astray, but just look at him. Grow up, kid. It was a joke. Jesus Christ. You're letting your parents make a fool out of you by taking this to the media.

And listen to his dimwit mother:

“[Duncan] is someone who wears the Yankee uniform and is on the payroll and should be setting an example for 10-year-olds,” she said.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Yet she has no problem with the examples set by Manny Ramirez, Curt Schilling the preaching hypocrite or Julio Lugo the wife-beater. Also...that's a run-on sentence, lady.

How could you, Shelley Duncan? How dare you use the word "suck" in front on an innocent little Bostonian? Next time, just give the kid's parents forearm shivers and break their ulnae.

That's a Wonderful Operation You've Got Up There

1) What are the chances that a fan running onto the field would have been allowed to make it all the way to second base if the Red Sox were in the field, rather than the Yankees?

2) What sort of bullshit is this? Are the Red Sox so desperate now against the Yankees that they're resorting to Gilloolian tactics? I guess Gagne's not good for much else.

Dear Fatty McRepublican:

Suck it.

Love,

Captain Intangibles

Let's Do This for "Bye-Bye" Balboni and "Bam-Bam" Meulens

Baseball nicknames in general have been on the decline for years. In my grandpappy's day, it seemed like everyone from utility infielders to bullpen catchers had cool nicknames. Things devolved to the point where the only nicknames originating in the '90s were The Big Hurt, The Big Dog, The Big Unit, The Big whatevs. Then, the next step down in the evolutionary chain was the ARod-ization of player's nicknames, a fad helped along by the immortal Linda Cohn. First initial + last name = linguistic genius!

Now though, in these frivolous Aughts, creative nicknames have reached a nadir. Young players simply don't get nicknames, and if they do, the monikers are forced, obvious and/or inane, like King Felix or Rich "The Broken Cripple" Harden.

Maybe we should just let the guys at The Dugout assign every player in baseball a nickname. SteakGrowsOnDmitri indeed.

The mighty Yankees are in particularly bad shape in this department. For a team that recently won four World Series rings and is stocked with future Hall-of-Famers, they come up sadly short in the wonderful world of baseball nicknames, especially when compared with their ancestors. Cynics might say that this phenomenon is due to the professionalism, quiet nature and lack of personality on the Joe Torre Yankees. Bullshit. You're telling me Lou Gehrig and Joe Dugan were dripping in scandal, charisma and larger-than-life je-ne-sais-quoi? Rather, we as fans, in conjunction with the media, have not done our proper nickname-bestowing due diligence.

Look at some of the great nicknames from Yankees past:

Babe Ruth - The Bambino, The Sultan of Swat, Babe
Lou Gehrig - The Iron Horse
Joe Dimaggio - The Yankee Clipper, Joltin' Joe
Mickey Mantle - The Mick, The Commerce Comet
Phil Rizzuto - Scooter
Don Mattingly - Donnie Fucking Baseball
Ron Guidry - Gator

Plus Whitey Ford, Yogi Berra, Lefty Gomez, etc. etc.

Now look at current and recent Yankee greats:

Alex Rodriguez - ARod (barely qualifies as a nickname)
Derek Jeter - The Captain, Captain Intangibles (these are stupid and borderline sarcastic)
Jason Giambi - The Giambino (bestowed by John Sterling, and hence, doesn't count)
Mariano Rivera - ???
Jorge Posada - ???
Bernie Williams - ???
Paul O'Neill - ???

How can players as great as Rivera and Williams go their entire careers without decent nicknames? It's unconscionable.

But we are being given a second chance. Potential future greats like Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain, Robinson Cano, Edwar Ramirez and Melky Cabrera are arriving on the scene, and they need nicknames (I steadfastly refuse to accept "Joba the Hutt"). We can help them, and help their legacies, by being creative early in their careers. So let's get on this. We're part of a tradition larger than ourselves, and we owe it to the children to make a contribution.

The New England Patriots are Still Cheaters (And Their Fans are Juvenile Whiners)

Of the many entertaining subplots to come out of the revelation that Bill Belichick is a lying cheater in addition to being a douche, the most preposterous is the round of playground attacks by Pats-backers on Eric Mangini, claiming that he's a "tattletale."

Jigga what?

So let me get this straight: Mangini is supposed to notice the Patriots blatantly cheating in a game against his team and allow it to continue happening? Does that really make sense in your baked-beans-addled brains?

When Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear off, was Holyfield supposed to smile politely and shake it off, so as not to break any sort of unwritten code?

When George Bush stole Florida from Al Gore, was Gore supposed to happily accept the biased Supreme Court's decision....oh wait...

I'm Going to Hell! Who's Coming With Me?

The Yankees begin a three-game series tonight in the darkest regions of Mordor Fenway Park that will go a long way to determining their playoff standing.

If the Yankees sweep Boston, they will be two games out in the loss column with two weeks remaining in the season, and a legitimate chance to win the A.L. East.

If they get swept, they risk letting Detroit move to within a half-game of the Wild Card lead and potentially missing the post-season altogether.

Both teams have their pitching lined up the way they want, with Andy Pettitte, Chien-Ming Wang and Roger Clemens lining up against Douche-K, Josh Beckett and Curt Schilling. The Yankees' edge in starting pitching is probably offset by Boston's home-field advantage. And Joba Chamberlain probably can only pitch one in the series, thanks to the brilliant machinations of Genius Joe.

The Red Sox will also likely be looking for revenge after Joba threw up-and-in twice against Kevin Youkilis two weeks ago in the Bronx. Someone's getting drilled this series, and things could escalate quickly. Brawls, suspensions and injuries would not surprise me.

Odds on the first Yankee to get drilled:

ARod - 2:1 — A third baseman for a third baseman.
Jeter - 3:1 — Always a target, and he stays close to the plate.
Johnny Damon - 6:1 — Would certainly get the crowd going, and he's the leadoff hitter. Why waste time?
Bobby Abreu - 7:1 — Seems most comparable to Youkilis in terms of overall value.
Jorge Posada - 9:1 — So valuable to the Yankees that injuring him "accidentally" would be of tremendous benefit to the Sox.
Hideki Matsui - 10:1 — Seems like a nice guy so nobody usually fucks with him.

Joe Torre's Guide to Bullpen Management

Step 1: Do not think about the future. All that matters is winning today's game. Fuck that...all that matters is getting the next out. It doesn't even matter what happens two innings from now, let alone tomorrow night or two weeks from now. If we can't get this hitter out, we are all going to be fired, and we will lose every game forevermore. Don't worry about saving pitchers for the next game, or preserving their arms for the next season. Act as if today's game is the last game that will ever be played in the history of baseball. Planning ahead is for fools who don't understand the importance of the moment.

Step 2: Disregard Step 1 as it pertains to Mariano Rivera. Only bring Rivera into a game when it is a save situation, especially on the road. In case of a tie game, bring in a string of inferior pitchers, while saving Rivera for a situation that may never arise. In these cases, an imaginary 12th inning is more critical than the 8th or 9th inning that is actually being played. Mariano Rivera is a delicate flower who must be preserved, watered and cared for.

Step 3: If you think these two directly opposing philosophies make me a hypocrite, you are a small-minded second-guesser incapable of understanding the wisdom of the Green Tea Zenmaster.

The Only Thing Worse Than Patriots Fans?

Patriots fans with media passes.

This is simply one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen on espn.com, which is really saying something.

Two massively biased New England Patriots apologists masquerading as journalists, bending in all directions to justify their team's cheating while simultaneously resorting to name-calling, damage control, and the always-winning "other teams cheat too!" defense.

Many sportswriters, journalists, analysts, etc. are either fans of a certain team or started their careers as fans of a certain team. Everyone has inherent biases. Not everyone so nakedly allows those biases to dilute clear thinking and destroy rational writing.

Simmons even makes the truly incredible argument that the Patriots don't receive enough credit for their recent run of success. There's an air of sad desperation in this back-and-forth between The Sports Guy and Aaron Schatz. They're like two kids who know school starts the next day but trap themselves in a world of deep denial, staying out late and pretending the night will never come.

The Patriots, and Bill Belichick, are cheaters. There's proof. The world knows. Pandora and Bill Simmons can't put that back in the box.

Losing by Winning

Last night's performance by Mike Mussina, while helping the Yankees secure an important series win against an increasingly insane Blue Jays team, may hurt more than it helps in the long term.

Mussina pitched like his 2007 self, which is OK at best and disastrous at worst. The Jays can't hit a lick, yet Mussina still struck out just one batter in 5 2/3 innings. He benefited from extreme good luck on balls in play, and wiggled out of a couple jams, one with the help of Edwar Ramirez.

So, the self-congratulatory "The Old Moose is back" bullshit needs to stop before it starts. Joe Torre giving quotes like this...

"He was terrific. He stayed ahead most of the night. I'm just really pleased and I know he's happy about it."

...means that Mussina is essentially already pencilled in to the playoff rotation, and Ian Kennedy better learn to enjoy the bullpen.

Joe Torre truly never changes. He can cheerfully ignore a mountain of evidence against an aging veteran and latch on to one start or one at-bat that justifies his already-formed opinions.

Time to start praying for a sweep in the Division Series.

Meanwhile, if Delmon Young had any spatial awareness, the Yankees would be three back of Boston in the loss column. Boom, bitch indeed.

He Bleeds Like the Rest of Us!

For the first time in his Major League career, Joba Chamberlain yielded a run. Babies across the five boroughs won't stop crying, though neither they, nor their parents, understand why. The memorial at Ground Zero is just a little more depressing today. The Yankees' road grays are even grayer.

And whose fault is it? That worthless bum, Alex Rodriguez. I KNEW he couldn't perform under pressure.

P.S.

I can't wait to see how all the Red Sox fans, who tore Jason Giambi apart for his non-specific steroids apology, react to Bill Belichick's statement today.

I Guess He's in Hiding With the Sports Gal, the Sports Baby and the Sports Dogs, Somewhere in the Depths of the Sports Mansion

Very strange that the Sports Guy hasn't had anything else to say since his piece came out on Monday, congratulating himself, Bill Belichick and the greater Boston area for being wonderful enough to witness the coronation of the once and future Super Bowl champions, the New England Patriots.

I'm shocked that he hasn't added an update to his article about how dominant the Pats looked on Sunday, since, you know, that whole thing where they got caught blatantly cheating.

Accountability's a bitch.

Phil Hughes Answers the Call

I consider it an extremely good sign that Phil Hughes has pitched well enough to win against two weak A.L. offenses in his last two starts. Hughes clearly doesn't have his best stuff, velocity or command right now, yet he's showing himself to be a canny enough pitcher to win anyway, at least against light-hitting teams. But beating light-hitting teams is just about half the battle.

Whether he's tentative, or still hampered by injuries, it doesn't look like Hughes will show us again this year why he's the best pitching prospect in baseball. That's fine, we can worry about that in spring training if he still looks off. Right now, the Yankees need a #3/#4 starter, and it's beginning to look like Hughes might be their boy.

After the game, Hughes said, "I didn't have that swing-and-miss fastball tonight but I was able to battle through and the offense took over." That sums up his last couple months, but maybe that's OK right now.

Ken Tremendous Picks on the Wrong Guy

Seriously, Ken Tremendous...you're going to spend an entire post tearing apart the writing of Mike Pagliarulo? Were there not any little kids walking around from which to steal candy? No 90-pound anorexic women to beat in arm wrestling?

LAY THE FUCK OFF PAGS! For reals.

Something tells me that if Timmy Naehring had a poorly written Web site favoring scouting over statistical analysis, it wouldn't be getting skewered on FJM.

I'm not sure there's much purpose to this blog, but defending Mike Pagliarulo from unsolicited attacks is certainly going in the mission statement.

The New England Patriots are Cheaters

Well, well, well. Looks like the Patriots used some illegal cameras (and possibly radio frequencies) to spy on the Jets coaches' signals during yesterday's game at the Meadowlands.

Where is Joba Chamberlain when you need him to throw a high fastball a couple feet over Bill Belichick's head?

Kevin Franchise Sounds Off

Via IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS...caught, poor little Kevin Youkilis can't understand why the mean old Yankees keep throwing baseballs at his head! And fast!

Then, the man with the best ugly face/ugly name combination in baseball has the nerve to wrap himself in the cloak of Paul O'Neill to excuse his general douchery:

"They play 'Yankeeography' on Paul O'Neill every day. So, what's the problem? I've been compared to Paul O'Neill. I know Paul O'Neill. We have the same agent."

Youk, I served with Paul O'Neill. I knew Paul O'Neill. Paul O'Neill was a friend of mine. Youk, you're no Paul O'Neill.

(rapturous applause)

Poor, put-upon Kevin Youkilis wants to know why he is loathed and Paul O'Neill is beloved. Seems pretty simple to me, Redbeard: Paul O'Neill is not a ginormous douchefucker. You might want to work on that.

The whole article is worth reading, to enjoy Kevie's insane victim complex, to witness how truly dumb he sounds whenever he tries to speak, and to actually hear him use the phrase, "I never pimped a home run in my life." Uhh...you might want to talk to a couple of your teammates about that last one, K-Youk.

Off-Day Blues

Is there anything worse than a Monday off-day when your team is on a role?

A Visit From the Vengeful Ghost of Paul Quantrill

INT. - BEDROOM - NIGHT
JOE TORRE slumbers peacefully in his footy pajamas and stocking cap. He snores gently, his breath reeking of green tea and peach pits. He sleeps alone, for his young wife is in a hotel room with Chris Britton. The VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL enters the bedroom and begins loudly rattling his chains. His right arm is disconnected at the shoulder and drags on the floor, held in place only by grotesquely stretched skin. Joe Torre sleeps on.

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

How can this guy sleep after what he's done to me?

The ghost hovers over Torre and slaps him hard across the face with his left hand. The aged manager doesn't stir. The ghost pinches Torre's nostrils shut until he wakes up in a fit of coughing and wheezing.

JOE

Wha? Huh? Wha? What's happening? Who the fuck are you?!?!

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

I am the Vengeful Ghost of Paul Quantrill. You might remember me from the 2004 New York Yankees. I was part of something wonderful called QuanGorMo. Unfortunately, you destroyed the precious gift you were granted by pitching me until my arm fell off and I died. Now I am doomed to wander the baseball afterlife carrying these chains. And look at what has become of my once vital right arm. I was never an effective pitcher again.

The ghost tries to move his right arm, but it only flops around on the ground like a dead fish.

JOE

Wow, that is repulsive. Sorry, man, but what could I do? We had to win ballgames. There's so much pressure to win every night in New York! The Red Sox are always on our tail!

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

And how did that work out for you in 2004, you senile fuck? When you burn out your only decent pitchers by August, they've got nothing left for the playoffs. And you can really damage their careers.

JOE

Fuck you, what do you know? You've never sat in my seat on the bench. You can't understand what it's like to manage the New York Motherhumpin' Yankees. You're just a relief pitcher. Disposable. Expendable. I'm Joe Torre. Maybe you've heard of me? What's that? I can't hear you with my FOUR WORLD SERIES RINGS CLOGGING MY EARS. Go haunt Dallas Green, you spook.

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

(knees Joe Torre in the gut)

It's not going to be that simple. You see, there are others just like me. Others who hate you and want you fired, incapacitated or both. Say hello to my friends.

The angry, bitter spirits of TOM GORDON, TANYON STURTZE, SCOTT PROCTOR and LUIS VIZCAINO appear at the foot of Torre's bed. They are all dragging their right arms on the floor, and moaning inconsolably.

JOE

Yeah...um...about that...I'm...uh...sorry. I...uh...didn't mean to...

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

We know there was no intent, you fool. That's why you're still breathing. But you are willfully neglectful and aggressively stupid with your bullpen management. The reason we are here tonight is because....there is another.

JOE

Another what?

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

Another.

The Vengeful Ghost of Paul Quantrill motions (left-handed) to the bedroom window, which has suddenly transformed into a portal through time and space. Joe Torre can see himself, sitting in the dugout on August 30, in a game against the Red Sox.

PAST RON GUIDRY

What do you think, Joe? Shut the kid down for day?

PAST JOE TORRE

Nah, Joba's tough. Send him out there for another inning.

PAST RON GUIDRY

But we have a 5-0 lead! And he's only 21...

PAST JOE TORRE

Fuck it. Joba, get back out there, kid. What can it hurt?

Back in his bed, Joe Torre gasps.

PRESENT JOE TORRE

Oh my Lord! How could be I so naive? So wrong? When there's so much research about the damage of overusing young pitchers? What have I done? I'm sorry, to all of you!

Joe Torre breaks down into pathetic sobbing.

VENGEFUL GHOST OF PAUL QUANTRILL

It is too late for us. But not...for him. Change now, Joe Torre, or join us in eternal damnation.

FADE OUT.

The Radar Guns of Navarone

The most watched man in last night's blowout win over Seattle wasn't Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain or Alex Rodriguez. It was the dude holding the radar gun clocking Phil Hughes's pitches.

As concern grows about Hughes's velocity and results, no one can seem to figure out why he's not throwing 93-95, the way he was in the minors. Is he still injured? Tentative from the old injuries? Building arm strength? Overrated?

Last night, Hughes was consistently in the 90-92 range, which is better than he's been the last few starts, but not where he needs to be if he's going to merit his hype. His last fastball, pitch number 97, struck out Ben Broussard but only clocked in at 87 MPH.

Hughes had better results last night, giving up two earned runs in six innings, but neither his velocity nor his command seem right. He's still locating his fastball up in the zone, and when it's not 95 MPH, guys like Raul Ibanez are going to hit it out of the ballpark. Seattle is a free-swinging team that doesn't have a lot of great hitters beyond Ichiro, otherwise last night could have turned out a lot worse for Hughes and the Yankees.

Even though Hughes has only really shown his potential in one big-league start this year (the abbreviated no-hitter), I remain hopeful that his ability will win out. Scouts and numbers alike agree on this kid the way they rarely do on any prospect, and I don't believe he's the pitcher he's shown so far this season. I'm not worried yet. Not much.

A Chris Britton Sighting!

Well, we have learned in the past two days that Joe Torre is willing to unleash Chris Britton only in cases of blowout.

Britton pitched a scoreless 1.1 innings last night in mop-up duty during last night's 12-3 win over Seattle. So, at the very least, he must not be sleeping with Joe Torre's wife anymore. Now, if he'll just stop sleeping with Torre's sister, maybe he'll pitch in a situation that counts.

Meanwhile, Joba Chamberlain hasn't thrown a pitch since the one that flew over Kevin Youkilis's ugly head on Thursday. So when he comes in and doesn't have command in a tight game at some point in the next couple days, you'll know why. Mr. Torre has no concept of bullpen management. It's always been his biggest weakness, and it's getting worse with age.

Alex Rodriguez and Chien-Ming Wang both came out of last night's game a little banged up, and ARod is questionable for tonight's series finale with a turned ankle. Wang came out of the game with a stiff back, but should be fine to make his next start.

Phil Hughes tries to turn things around tonight, now that Clay Buchholz has thrown down the gauntlet. Let's hope we see more of this:

A Few Words About Clay Buchholz's No-Hitter

My inbred, asthmatic cousin could pitch a no-hitter against Baltimore.

Also, stop stealing Phil Hughes's ideas.

Lost Weekend

A lot to catch up on after a miserable long weekend for the Yankees.

• Most importantly, the Bombers lost three of four to the woeful Devil Rays and the marginal Mariners, in turn letting Seattle and Detroit inch closer in the Wild Card race. The Yankees looked incredibly flat all weekend, and recently they've shown a disturbing predilection for throwing in the towel once they're down by a handful of runs.
• Nice Guy Andy Phillips is out for the season with a broken wrist after being hit by a pitch. This is a problem, because Joe Torre will either play Jason Giambi at first base too much, increasing the chances he breaks down, or, God forbid, throw Minky back out there. Some people never learn. Wilson Betemit's slump vastly increases the chances Torre will turn to the Minkman sooner than later.
• Roger Clemens will miss at least a start and get an MRI on his right elbow after reporting a "grabbing" sensation during Monday's drilling by Seattle. The way Clemens has pitched lately, Mike Mussina isn't necessarily all that much of a downgrade. But the Yankees' rotation is suddenly frightful for the stretch run, with Wang and Pettitte looking solid, Phil Hughes struggling, Clemens hurt, Mussina legally dead and Ian Kennedy with one big-league start. Joba in the rotation, anyone?
• Edwar Ramirez struggled yet again Sunday vs. Tampa. Can he not pitch while trailing? Or is he simply not a major-league pitcher? His minor league numbers and strikeout rate suggest he can succeed at this level, but he's giving up a ton of home runs right now. If he's not effective, the bullpen is massively shaky aafter Mariano Rivera and Joba.
• Needless to say, a huge game tonight for the Yankees, with summer officially over. They need to win at least one of the remaining two games from Seattle to continue controlling their own destiny.