Joe Torre's Guide to Bullpen Management

Step 1: Do not think about the future. All that matters is winning today's game. Fuck that...all that matters is getting the next out. It doesn't even matter what happens two innings from now, let alone tomorrow night or two weeks from now. If we can't get this hitter out, we are all going to be fired, and we will lose every game forevermore. Don't worry about saving pitchers for the next game, or preserving their arms for the next season. Act as if today's game is the last game that will ever be played in the history of baseball. Planning ahead is for fools who don't understand the importance of the moment.

Step 2: Disregard Step 1 as it pertains to Mariano Rivera. Only bring Rivera into a game when it is a save situation, especially on the road. In case of a tie game, bring in a string of inferior pitchers, while saving Rivera for a situation that may never arise. In these cases, an imaginary 12th inning is more critical than the 8th or 9th inning that is actually being played. Mariano Rivera is a delicate flower who must be preserved, watered and cared for.

Step 3: If you think these two directly opposing philosophies make me a hypocrite, you are a small-minded second-guesser incapable of understanding the wisdom of the Green Tea Zenmaster.

Lost Weekend

A lot to catch up on after a miserable long weekend for the Yankees.

• Most importantly, the Bombers lost three of four to the woeful Devil Rays and the marginal Mariners, in turn letting Seattle and Detroit inch closer in the Wild Card race. The Yankees looked incredibly flat all weekend, and recently they've shown a disturbing predilection for throwing in the towel once they're down by a handful of runs.
• Nice Guy Andy Phillips is out for the season with a broken wrist after being hit by a pitch. This is a problem, because Joe Torre will either play Jason Giambi at first base too much, increasing the chances he breaks down, or, God forbid, throw Minky back out there. Some people never learn. Wilson Betemit's slump vastly increases the chances Torre will turn to the Minkman sooner than later.
• Roger Clemens will miss at least a start and get an MRI on his right elbow after reporting a "grabbing" sensation during Monday's drilling by Seattle. The way Clemens has pitched lately, Mike Mussina isn't necessarily all that much of a downgrade. But the Yankees' rotation is suddenly frightful for the stretch run, with Wang and Pettitte looking solid, Phil Hughes struggling, Clemens hurt, Mussina legally dead and Ian Kennedy with one big-league start. Joba in the rotation, anyone?
• Edwar Ramirez struggled yet again Sunday vs. Tampa. Can he not pitch while trailing? Or is he simply not a major-league pitcher? His minor league numbers and strikeout rate suggest he can succeed at this level, but he's giving up a ton of home runs right now. If he's not effective, the bullpen is massively shaky aafter Mariano Rivera and Joba.
• Needless to say, a huge game tonight for the Yankees, with summer officially over. They need to win at least one of the remaining two games from Seattle to continue controlling their own destiny.

Fire Joe Torre This Second

Brian Cashman needs to make his way down to the Yankees dugout right now, before this game is over, and relieve Joe Torre of his duties. Don Mattingly can slide over from his seat on the bench, Joe Girardi can come down from the broadcast booth, Freddy Sez can take over. I don't care, but Torre needs to vacate the premises.

With a 5-0 lead in the ninth against the Red Sox, Torre sent Joba Chamberlain out for a second inning of work. Under the looming presence of the Joba Rules, Chamberlain now can't pitch again until Sunday. Torre apparently does not believe that one pitcher in his bullpen, other than Joba and Rivera, can record three outs before giving up five runs. Chris Britton and Edwar Ramirez should quit now, because they're not ever going to be used or trusted under this dark regime.

This is a ludicrous decision that puts the Yankees at a disadvantage this weekend. And in a tight Wild Card race, this team needs every advantage it can muster.

Goodnight Hollywood Boulevard

Rally monkeys, thunder sticks and fans who don't know when to cheer until the scoreboard instructs them. Yep, we're back in Southern California.

Last night's 7-6 loss to the Angels was a brutal punch in the stomach. You can't call it a must-win on August 20, but when both Boston and Seattle had won earlier in the day, the game took on added importance, especially given the pitching matchups for the rest of this series, and Boston's cream-puff schedule.

The Yankees' offense didn't do enough against Dustin Moseley, and paid for the price for it eventually. The bullpen faltered badly as well, with Luis Vizcaino looking awful, Kyle Farnsworth returning to form and Sean Henn being Sean Henn. This game illustrated that on days when Joba can't pitch, the underbelly of the bullpen is still awfully weak and exploitable.

For once, Joe Torre did the right thing, bringing Mariano Rivera into a tie game on the road. Unfortunately, Mo's been a little tired lately and could only go one inning. My only argument with Torre in this game (other than using Farnsworth at all) is that I wouldn't have let Hughes come out to start the 7th. He struggled badly with his command all game, and looked gassed. It might not have made any difference, though, as poorly as the bullpen performed.

The Yankees need to split these next two games, or they could quickly find themselves back in a hole, on the outside looking in for both playoff spots.

Back to Business

With a heavy heart, we get back to business as usual here at Psycho Fan World Headquarters, which means commenting on last night's 12-0 shellacking by the Orioles.

Luckily, there's not a whole lot to say. Jeff Karstens got waxed, and his days as a major leaguer appear to be dwindling. Jim Brower shouldn't be on this team while Brian Bruney, Chris Britton and Edwar Ramirez draw breath. The same could be said for Farnsie Farnsworth, who once again managed to pitch a scoreless inning in a situation that meant absolutely nothing.

The offense was too impatient against a pitcher as wild as Daniel Cabrera, although with the way they've been swinging it's hard to blame them. Now, the Yankees must be tough lefty Erik Bedard to win the series. Luckily, the Phil and Joba show is ready to go again.

Meanwhile, Boston got a big comeback win to extend their lead to nine games, and Seattle lost to Minnesota, allowing the Yankees to remain tied for the Wild Card lead. We'll write last night off to the team and crowd having no energy following what happened earlier in the day.

Big game tonight.

Joba Needs a Refill

Looks like phenom Joba Chamberlain is finally getting the call.

We can only say a silent, hopeful prayer that this means the end of Kyle Farnsworth is nigh. Because I don't think Jim Brower's going to accomplish that.

Also, it's going to be hard getting used to rooting for someone who looks this goofy.


Me-ow.

So Glad Scott Proctor's Gone

Another gem of an 8th inning by the team's resident redneck psycho crybaby, Farnsie Farnsworth: 1 IP, 2 H, 1 K, 2 HR.

Well done, Kyle. So glad you're still on the team. A fabulous audition for any poor team that may have been considering acquiring you on waivers.

Meanwhile, both Cleveland and Boston have won today, and Farnsworth has used his special brand of gasoline to take a close game and put it out of reach.

DFA this asshole tonight.

There Better Be A Plan

This trade makes absolutely no sense to me.

The Yankees' biggest weakness right now is their bullpen, not counting Mariano Rivera. So they trade one of the few, semi-reliable options they have in the bullpen for....what, exactly?

26-year-old corner infielder Wilson Betemit has mild pop in his bat, but seems unlikely to amount to anything more than a platoon player. I would have rather taken my chances with Andy Phillips and Not-Eric Duncan at first base for the rest of the year, and kept Proctor.

I know that Joe Torre has abused Scott Proctor's poor, damaged, paralyzed right arm beyond imagination the past 18 months, but he's still a useful piece if used appropriately. Kyle Farnsworth, on the other hand, is a waste of space and an asshole to boot.

Joba Chamberlain might have been able to replace, or likely better, Farnsworth's production. But can he replace Farnsworth and Proctor? I don't know. I also worry that the Yankees will now give up too much to get the brittle Eric Gagne from Texas to replace Proctor. I would much rather have seen Cashman DFA Farnsworth, and bring up Joba to help Proctor and Vizcaino shoulder the heavy workload. Now, the bullpen is even more short-handed than before.

If the Yankees really, as the ESPN article suggests, view Betemit as a potential replacement/insurance policy for ARod, this team could be really dreadful next year if Rodriguez bails. PECOTA forecasts ARod to be worth about five more wins than Betemit, and that's before his monster 2007 enters the projection system.

Let's hope Cashman has something more up his sleeve.

And my sympathies to Scott Proctor's Arm, which now faces a dilemna.

Yankees Win a Weird One

The Yankees continue to survive and move on after the All-Star Break, as they beat Toronto 3-2 in a strange ten-inning affair to move three games over .500.

For the second straight night, the Yankees won a game in which the pitching patchup seemed to favor Toronto. Roy Halladay got through a wild first inning to pitch a seven-inning gem, and Andy Pettitte matched him in results if not performance. Pettitte allowed 10 baserunners in seven innings, but struck out a season-high seven Blue Jays to counteract his high WHIP.

The useless (except to his opponents) Kyle Farnsworth gave Toronto a 2-1 lead heading into the bottom of the ninth, setting the stage for one of the strangest half-innings of the season.

Nice Guy Andy led off with a bloop single to left, and was pinch-run for by Miguel Cairo. Cairo stole second on a hit-and-run that Melky Cabrera swung through. Then, after failing to get down a sac bunt, Melky hit a grounder to the right side. Aaron Hill couldn't come up with it, and it leaked through to right field.

At that point, third base coach Larry Bowa made the asinine decision to send Cairo home, even though there was no one out and Alex Rios has a gun in right. Cairo was out by about ten feet, and made a bizarre slide directly into the catcher's shinguards, even though Greg Zaun was standing wide of home plate. I have absolutely no problems with Larry Bowa as a third base coach, but he blew that call.

Cabrera, who had advanced to second on the throw, stole third off a sleeping Jeremy Accardo. Clearly rattled, Accardo walked the inept Johnny Damon and then balked home the tying run.

So, to sum up, the bottom of the ninth featured a stolen base on a failed hit-and-run, a failed sacrifice bunt, a dribbler through the infield, an awful send by a third base coach, another steal, and a balked-in run.

The Yankees went on to win in the 10th when Robinson Cano knocked in ARod (who reached on a HBP) with a solid single to left. Larry Bowa owes Cano a few drinks.

Also of note, Brian Bruney and Luis Vizcaino pitched two scoreless innings after the arsonist allowed the go-ahead run. And Edwar Ramirez has apparently died, and no one told us, because he's getting about as many innings as Chris Britton on the big league club.

The Yankees should now be thinking sweep, with Halladay out of the way and Clemens and Wang waiting in the queue.

DFA Kyle Farnsworth Tonight. I Beg You.

Serial arsonist Kyle Farnsworth used to be known as a million-dollar arm with a ten-cent brain. These days, the arm and brain are much more closely aligned. They are both retarded.

It is criminally irresponsible for Joe Torre to bring him into the 8th inning of a tie game when there are other players (any other players, including Wade Boggs) available to pitch. And Brian Cashman is simply not doing his job when he allows Farnsy to remain on the roster for Torre to misuse him.

Perhaps the Yankees are trying to lose games. Every beat writer, blogger and casual, drunk fan at the Stadium knows that Farnsworth is probably going to give up a run in any given appearance. Even the dense Michael Kay sounds exhausted when reading Farnsworth's rap sheet. It makes no sense that baseball men with as much experience as Cashman and Torre don't know the same thing. So perhaps we're looking at a "Major League" scenario in which the top brass is actively trying to lose. Or maybe the manager and GM have entered into some bizarre career-suicide pact, and they're trying to leave the Yankees a sub-.500 team before they go. Maybe it's just one last "fuck you" to George Steinbrenner and his brethren.

Because nobody in their right mind thinks Kyle Farnsworth is going to help you win games.

The Purple Rose of Miguel Cairo

Yankees 7, White Sox 3.

So Josh Phelps threw the ball to all corners of Comiskey Monday night, and Joe Torre's shrill, hysterical reaction was to punish that bad boy, and start Miguel Cairo at first base against Mark Buehrle last night.

Miguel Cairo.

I don't care that Cairo slapped a clutch RBI single into centerfield last night; playing him at first-base was irresponsible, an extreme breach of a manager's responsibility to put the best team possible on the field. Cairo is a significantly below-average player at any position, let alone first base where mighty sluggers normally roam (or at least stumble). Cairo's not exactly Don Mattingly with the glove either, so there is no possible justification for playing him.

Bring me Andy Phillips. Bring me Josh Phelps. Bring me the ghost of Minky. Bring me Shelley Duncan. Bring me...oh, wait...not him.

Meanwhile, the Yanks' bullpen continues to disgrace itself at every opportunity, enabled like a lifelong alcoholic by the sad, abused tandem of Joe Torre and Brian Cashman.

Chris Britton, he of the impressive 2006 season and dominant minor league numbers, has pitched five innings with the big club this year. At the same time, Luis Vizcaino (6.91 ERA) has thrown 28 innings, Kyle Farnsworth (1.58 WHIP) has thrown 24, Ron Villone (6.30 ERA) has thrown 10, and Scott Proctor's right arm has grown 11 inches longer than his left. These guys shouldn't even have big-league jobs, let alone be allowed to pitch in high-leverage situations.

The Yankees, as an organization, don't recognize mistakes quickly enough, and they don't learn from the past. Minky/Miguel Cairo = Tony Womack. Vizcaino = Felix Heredia. Certain guys just need to be cut loose before they sink a season, but the team's brain trust is unwilling on incapable of action. Cashman and Torre combine the indecisiveness of Hamlet with the sheer stubbornness of Archie Bunker. The results speak for themselves.

The Lineup and the Bullpen

As the starting rotation stabilizes, the lineup and bullpen are being exposed as legitimate problems. The severe lack of production from first base, catcher on days when Posada doesn't play, second base and center field is crippling the team when stalwarts like ARod and Matsui slump. Two runs of Brandon McCarthy? Really?

And Luis Vizcaino's time is up. File under "seemed like a good idea at the time," and "at least it got that mean old bastard out of town," but it's time to cut losses and move on. Chris Britton, your destiny is calling.

14-2.

Disgraceful.

Proctor Suspended; Weeps with Joy

So Scott Proctor has been suspended four games, and Joe Torre one, for their roles in the non-fight with Seattle yesterday. Really, that's a win-win. Proctor gets to rest his withered, numb, useless lump of an arm for a few days without the fear that he'll be called into a game, and the Yankees might actually make it through a game without pinch-running for Jason Giambi in an inane situation.

The Retarded Chicken or The Retarded Egg?

Does Joe Torre abuse the bullpen because the bullpen sucks, or does the bullpen suck because Joe Torre abuses the bullpen?

We will likely never know the answer, but either way, the Yankees have a problem. Last night in Arlington, Torre inserted Kyle Farnsworth into the 8th inning of a 4-1 game, despite the fact that Farnsworth pitched an inning in Game 1 of the doubleheader. This is a pitcher who cannot pitch more than one inning in an appearance, and who cannot appear on back-to-back days, yet Torre brought him in to pitch twice in one day. Farnsy promptly gave up a home run to Michael Young before emerging unscathed from the rest of the inning.

The Yankees are severely lacking in reliable relievers these days, beyond the walking reminder of our own mortality, Mariano Rivera. Long gone are the Rivera/Wetteland or Mendoza/Stanton/Nelson/Rivera years, and the franchise has been unable to piece together a great bullpen since.

Farnsworth pitches like Steve Karsay post-injury. Scott Proctor's arm might fall off at any moment. Mike Myers is painfully ineffective. Brian Bruney is wild. Luis Vizcaino looks like he can't get it done in the American League. Sean Henn is fine but not a door-closer. All are overworked.

Chris Britton inexplicably languishes in Scranton despite being one of the Orioles' only solid relievers last year. Once again, Brian Cashman does not appear to have done his due diligence when building a bullpen. Once again, Joe Torre wildly mismanages the few assets he does have.

Meanwhile, The Yankees rode solid starting pitching from Pettitte and the Moose to a double-header sweep of Texas. But nine runs in two games in Arlington, one against Mike Wood, is unacceptable, and further proof that the lineup is incredibly flat right now without a red-hot ARod serving as anchor.

Going into the weekend, another sweep is probably too much to ask for, especially since Matt DeSalvo will start Sunday, the Yanks' tenth starting pitcher of the young season. But two-of-three is very doable, and very necessary.