So Peter Gammons, who used to be a great baseball writer, tells us this:
Jimmy Rollins went on "The Jay Leno Show" and predicted the Phillies will win the World Series. He was made to be a villain in a tabloid front page, and fans chanted obscenities at him Wednesday night. First of all, the old locker-room bulletin-board clichés are just baloney. Rollins brings an attitude and an edge and loves the big stage. And, in so doing, he plays the New York fans and media for fools. It's comical.
How, exactly, P.G., has Jimmy Rollins played New York fans and media for fools? So anyone who baits someone else needlessly is playing them for a fool? And can you imagine what Gammons would say if Alex Rodriguez made a brash prediction and was getting booed by Philadelphia fans? I bet he wouldn't say, "Rodriguez brings an attitude and an edge," or "he plays the Philadelphia fans for fools."
Peter Gammons is an anti-New York homer who sold out the minute he started appearing on television. See that? I just played Peter Gammons for a fool.
Showing posts with label Gammons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gammons. Show all posts
Monday, November 2, 2009
Friday, November 2, 2007
Manny Ramirez Has No Soul
According to Gammons the Great, Manny Ramirez "played his soul out in October."
Wow. How exactly does one play one's soul out, and how does that technique differ from playing one's heart out? To wit, a cheat sheet to playing your soul out:
1) When you hit a long fly ball that may be a home run, an out or a double, lazily meander to first base while watching the ball like a spectator. End up on first with a 400-foot single.
2) Do not slide into home plate, or attempt to jar the ball loose from the catcher on a close play. Simply jog in from third base, and politely allow the catcher to tag you.
3) While running the bases, toss your helmet off at every opportunity, even if it slows you down. That shit's confining, man.
4) Play left field like a drunken opossum.
5) Lots of pointing.
The great Manny mid-lope
I'm also very concerned about how playing with no soul with affect Manny next season. Will it impact his patience at the plate? Will he become a serial killer? We're in the great unknown here, people.
Wow. How exactly does one play one's soul out, and how does that technique differ from playing one's heart out? To wit, a cheat sheet to playing your soul out:
1) When you hit a long fly ball that may be a home run, an out or a double, lazily meander to first base while watching the ball like a spectator. End up on first with a 400-foot single.
2) Do not slide into home plate, or attempt to jar the ball loose from the catcher on a close play. Simply jog in from third base, and politely allow the catcher to tag you.
3) While running the bases, toss your helmet off at every opportunity, even if it slows you down. That shit's confining, man.
4) Play left field like a drunken opossum.
5) Lots of pointing.
I'm also very concerned about how playing with no soul with affect Manny next season. Will it impact his patience at the plate? Will he become a serial killer? We're in the great unknown here, people.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Patti Page and Summer Days on Old Cape Cod
River Ave. Blues has an excellent post on the progress, or lack thereof, of a couple Yankees' draftees in the Cape Cod League this summer.
The Cape League is the premier summer league for college ballplayers. Each year, the best amateur players in the country head out to the Cape, where they are spread out among 10 local teams. While there, the players all stay with local host families and work small-time jobs at restaurants, fish markets and the like to help pay expenses. In some ways, the league is a relic from another era — a throwback to a time when even big-leaguers worked "regular" off-season jobs. It's a place where future millionaires work for $7.50 an hour and sleep in the spare bedroom with Crazy Cousin Rory. And have I mentioned the wood bats?
Despite the quaint charm and lazy, seaside atmosphere, the pressure for prospects on the Cape is enormous. A fantastic or mediocre showing over the summer can mean the difference between signing a big-league deal and heading back to college for another year. A three-week slump might cut a recent draftee's signing bonus in half, or knock a younger player down several rounds in next year's draft. Big-league and college scouts pepper the bleachers and lawns at every game.
For a true baseball fan, there is almost no better experience than catching a Cape Cod League game on a warm summer night, and for most Yankees fans, the ballparks are just a four-to-six hour drive away. You're watching the best, young players in the country playing in a unique atmosphere out of the 1950s. In any given game, you're likely to be watching at least one, and possibly several, future big leaguers. Bring a blanket and some drinks, and you're good to go....admission is free.
The Chatham A's get most of the hype, thanks to a winning tradition and Jim Collins's excellent 2004 book chronicling a season in the life of the team. I'm partial to the Orleans Cardinals, though, de facto home team for all towns on the Outer Cape, and former club of Nomah, Ben Sheets, Scott Proctor, Mark Teixeira and the immortal Aaron Boone.
Peter Gammons has been known to wax romantic about the simple pleasures of the Cape League, and for once, he's not wrong. Go there now. Orleans visits the Hyannis Mets at 7 p.m. tonight.
The Cape League is the premier summer league for college ballplayers. Each year, the best amateur players in the country head out to the Cape, where they are spread out among 10 local teams. While there, the players all stay with local host families and work small-time jobs at restaurants, fish markets and the like to help pay expenses. In some ways, the league is a relic from another era — a throwback to a time when even big-leaguers worked "regular" off-season jobs. It's a place where future millionaires work for $7.50 an hour and sleep in the spare bedroom with Crazy Cousin Rory. And have I mentioned the wood bats?
Despite the quaint charm and lazy, seaside atmosphere, the pressure for prospects on the Cape is enormous. A fantastic or mediocre showing over the summer can mean the difference between signing a big-league deal and heading back to college for another year. A three-week slump might cut a recent draftee's signing bonus in half, or knock a younger player down several rounds in next year's draft. Big-league and college scouts pepper the bleachers and lawns at every game.
For a true baseball fan, there is almost no better experience than catching a Cape Cod League game on a warm summer night, and for most Yankees fans, the ballparks are just a four-to-six hour drive away. You're watching the best, young players in the country playing in a unique atmosphere out of the 1950s. In any given game, you're likely to be watching at least one, and possibly several, future big leaguers. Bring a blanket and some drinks, and you're good to go....admission is free.
The Chatham A's get most of the hype, thanks to a winning tradition and Jim Collins's excellent 2004 book chronicling a season in the life of the team. I'm partial to the Orleans Cardinals, though, de facto home team for all towns on the Outer Cape, and former club of Nomah, Ben Sheets, Scott Proctor, Mark Teixeira and the immortal Aaron Boone.
Peter Gammons has been known to wax romantic about the simple pleasures of the Cape League, and for once, he's not wrong. Go there now. Orleans visits the Hyannis Mets at 7 p.m. tonight.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Really, Peter? Really?
We all know that Peter Gammons loves to riff on extracurricular topics (and really, the single worst side effect of the rise of blogs is the horror of innocent readers being subjected to the musical tastes and daily-living details of the likes of Gammons, Will Carroll and Buster Olney), but he's outdone himself today.
The venerable, award-winning, revolutionary baseball writer has penned a column about....baseball players' love for the iPhone.
Some choice gems:
The venerable, award-winning, revolutionary baseball writer has penned a column about....baseball players' love for the iPhone.
Some choice gems:
"He texted-messaged someone at The Apple Store. 'They texted me back and said they had plenty,' says Verlander. 'My girlfriend went to the store and was able to get one for Justin Morneau, as well.' Same agent, Mike Milchin."
"Somehow, it's unlikely that Virgil (Fire) Trucks blogged on an iPhone (or even downloaded grand nephew Derek Truck's brilliant music), or that Norm Cash watched YouTube."
"So Dave Dombrowski is shopping, but there are no iArms at The Apple Store."Holy mother of all that used to be good in the world, Peter. You're better than this. Aren't you?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Peter Gammons Changes the Questions
A lot of Peter Gammons's writing the last few years revolves around a common theme (no, not the enormity of Theo Epstein's testicles...a different common theme): Gammons explains the prevailing wisdom about a certain team, player, manager or GM — and then he TEARS THAT PREVAILING WISDOM APART!
These "Oh yeah? You think you know baseball? Wrong, fucko!" columns all share certain key characteristics:
-A haughty, condescending tone — not unlike that of a Harvard professor deigning to explain something to a class of freshmen
-A hastily described strawman argument, outlining the way certain fans or ignorant media types have been too quick to criticize Player A or Manager B or General Manager C
-An impassioned defense of said player, coach or GM, complete with cherry-picked stats, often occurring at the crest of a winning or hot streak
-An inexplicable obsession with and loathing for sports talk radio, the medium that bears the brunt of the blame for the massive stupidity spreading throughout the game, according to Gammons
In his latest piece, the oracle actually builds his entire column around the theory that people misjudged and are misjudging teams based on cold streaks and slow starts. And those people are stupid, stupid, stupid.
Gammons complains often and at length about the "sports radio culture" permeating our society, which causes fans to demand instant results and places undue pressure on struggling teams. But by attacking the most idiotic facet of sports media, Gammons is able to ignore intelligent critcism and analysis that impugns the people and franchises he so indignantly defends.
In this one article alone, Gammons defends the Seattle tandem of Mike Hargrove and Bill Bavasi on the basis of their slightly-better-than-average 2007 record, conveniently ignoring the rest of the recent past. Amazingly, at the same time, he hypocritically rails against small-sample arguments like Theo Epstein being attacked for acquiring Coco Crisp and Julio Lugo just because the team is struggling. Umm...two things, Pete. 1) Theo Epstein should be attacked for acquiring Crisp and Lugo, no matter the team's record, and 2) Have you ever written a column in which you didn't defend Epstein against a real or imagined attack?
Check this out:
These "Oh yeah? You think you know baseball? Wrong, fucko!" columns all share certain key characteristics:
-A haughty, condescending tone — not unlike that of a Harvard professor deigning to explain something to a class of freshmen
-A hastily described strawman argument, outlining the way certain fans or ignorant media types have been too quick to criticize Player A or Manager B or General Manager C
-An impassioned defense of said player, coach or GM, complete with cherry-picked stats, often occurring at the crest of a winning or hot streak
-An inexplicable obsession with and loathing for sports talk radio, the medium that bears the brunt of the blame for the massive stupidity spreading throughout the game, according to Gammons
In his latest piece, the oracle actually builds his entire column around the theory that people misjudged and are misjudging teams based on cold streaks and slow starts. And those people are stupid, stupid, stupid.
Gammons complains often and at length about the "sports radio culture" permeating our society, which causes fans to demand instant results and places undue pressure on struggling teams. But by attacking the most idiotic facet of sports media, Gammons is able to ignore intelligent critcism and analysis that impugns the people and franchises he so indignantly defends.
In this one article alone, Gammons defends the Seattle tandem of Mike Hargrove and Bill Bavasi on the basis of their slightly-better-than-average 2007 record, conveniently ignoring the rest of the recent past. Amazingly, at the same time, he hypocritically rails against small-sample arguments like Theo Epstein being attacked for acquiring Coco Crisp and Julio Lugo just because the team is struggling. Umm...two things, Pete. 1) Theo Epstein should be attacked for acquiring Crisp and Lugo, no matter the team's record, and 2) Have you ever written a column in which you didn't defend Epstein against a real or imagined attack?
Check this out:
In these days of IGR (Immediate Gratification Radio), these cycles are not allowed to be placed in perspective. We have already heard calls for the firing of Bill Bavasi and Mike Hargrove in Seattle, and the Mariners have one of the five best records in the American League. Daniels and Ron Washington in Texas, in a process known as a massive overhaul. Williams, Ozzie Guillen and Jim Hendry in Chicago, where one of the game's most respected pitching coaches, Don Cooper, got yelled at by a talk-show jock. Dayton Moore in Kansas City, for taking Luke Hochaver, not Tim Lincecum, in last year's draft. And Brian Sabean even got into it on a talk-radio program.
Not to mention Sam Perlozzo in Baltimore,which is legitimate heat. John Gibbons in Toronto. Jerry Narron in Cincinnati. Jim Tracy and Dave Littlefield in Pittsburgh. Dan O'Dowd and Clint Hurdle in Colorado, long before the Rockies went into Boston and blew out Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett. And Phil Garner in Houston.
So...I guess you can't ever criticize a losing team, under any circumstances? Gammons seems to be arguing that these are baseball people, damn it, and therefore shouldn't have to suffer questioning from the likes of you and me. He seems to be promoting some weird Utopian view of the game, wherein all teams, managers and executives deserve praise. Teams that are winning are doing so because a well-thought plan is paying off. Teams that are losing are doing so because their plans haven't had a chance to come to fruition yet.
It's OK to get mad at people, Pete. We're not in kindergarten anymore. They can take it. Some people just suck at their jobs.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Andrew Jackson, You Slay Me!
The headline on espn.com for Peter Gammons's latest column speaks far truer words than the sage himself: Torre Remains the Yankees' Anchor.
Monday, June 4, 2007
The Classiest Fans in the World
So, in the early innings of this weekend's Yankees/Red Sox series, a high pop fly was hit in ARod's direction. When the ball was in mid-air, you could feel a light bulb go off above the crowd's collective head, and thousands of voices screamed "Mine!" and "Hah!" at once. I chuckled, and for the briefest of moments, considered the possibility that Red Sox fans aren't the single worst group of people in the world.
FALSE.
Over the course of the rest of the series, the Fenway faithful proceeded to:
-Cheer wildly when Derek Jeter fouled a pitch off his foot and hopped around in obvious pain. (I thought only Philly fans cheered injuries.)
-Hold up paper cut-out masks in front of their faces of the woman with whom ARod was recently photographed.
-Give Blistery Josh Beckett a standing ovation as he left Sunday night's game, after he gave up 4 ER, 8 H and 3 BB in 6.1 IP, a performance which included putting his team in a 4-0 hole. Wow, those Boston fans really know their baseball.
Red Sox fans are philistines unfit to worship in the temple where they congregate. They are crude, ignorant, vicious, hypocritical, foul-smelling, bigoted, ugly motherfuckers who don't deserve to breathe the polluted air that infests their ugly, traffic-ridden hole of a city.
And Peter Gammons needs to stop jerking off during his sideline reports about the wonders of Beckett and Kevin Franchise. "Why, I remember seeing Youkilis play in the Cape Cod League, and he's completely transformed himself as a hitter through hard work and dedication, and..."
Go back to what you're good at, Pete: giving shitty music recommendations. (The statute of limitations has passed for mocking someone who's recently suffered a near-fatal brain aneurysm, right? Right??)
FALSE.
Over the course of the rest of the series, the Fenway faithful proceeded to:
-Cheer wildly when Derek Jeter fouled a pitch off his foot and hopped around in obvious pain. (I thought only Philly fans cheered injuries.)
-Hold up paper cut-out masks in front of their faces of the woman with whom ARod was recently photographed.
-Give Blistery Josh Beckett a standing ovation as he left Sunday night's game, after he gave up 4 ER, 8 H and 3 BB in 6.1 IP, a performance which included putting his team in a 4-0 hole. Wow, those Boston fans really know their baseball.
Red Sox fans are philistines unfit to worship in the temple where they congregate. They are crude, ignorant, vicious, hypocritical, foul-smelling, bigoted, ugly motherfuckers who don't deserve to breathe the polluted air that infests their ugly, traffic-ridden hole of a city.
And Peter Gammons needs to stop jerking off during his sideline reports about the wonders of Beckett and Kevin Franchise. "Why, I remember seeing Youkilis play in the Cape Cod League, and he's completely transformed himself as a hitter through hard work and dedication, and..."
Go back to what you're good at, Pete: giving shitty music recommendations. (The statute of limitations has passed for mocking someone who's recently suffered a near-fatal brain aneurysm, right? Right??)
Monday, April 23, 2007
Deifying Dice-K
Some comments from the Jon Miller-Joe Morgan-Peter Gammons coverage of Douche-K during last night's game.
-Matsuzaka has "captured the imagination of New England sports fans."
-His teammates are amazed that he can "dial it up and throw a lot harder when he needs to. That's the sign of a good pitcher."
-He's an amazing athlete. With "very, very light feet." An outstanding fielder.
-He actually likes to take ground balls at shortstop sometimes!
-Joe Morgan didn't think Matsuzaka was trying to hit either ARod or Jeter, despite raving about his command.
Somehow, during all of this slobbering and rushing to judgment, very little mention was made of Douche-K's massively mediocre performance: 7 IP, 6 ER, 8 H, 1 BB, 2 HBP, 7 K, 1 HR.
And for this he was given a standing ovation by the notoriously tough and demanding Fenway crowd. What would they do if he actually pitched a good game? Offer up their eldest daughters in sacrifice to his mighty Japanese cock?
On a related note, there could be no better turn of events for Yankees fans than Julian "Does That Make Me Crazy? Probably" Tavarez taking Douche-K under his wing for tutelage in the ways of American baseball.
-Matsuzaka has "captured the imagination of New England sports fans."
-His teammates are amazed that he can "dial it up and throw a lot harder when he needs to. That's the sign of a good pitcher."
-He's an amazing athlete. With "very, very light feet." An outstanding fielder.
-He actually likes to take ground balls at shortstop sometimes!
-Joe Morgan didn't think Matsuzaka was trying to hit either ARod or Jeter, despite raving about his command.
Somehow, during all of this slobbering and rushing to judgment, very little mention was made of Douche-K's massively mediocre performance: 7 IP, 6 ER, 8 H, 1 BB, 2 HBP, 7 K, 1 HR.
And for this he was given a standing ovation by the notoriously tough and demanding Fenway crowd. What would they do if he actually pitched a good game? Offer up their eldest daughters in sacrifice to his mighty Japanese cock?
On a related note, there could be no better turn of events for Yankees fans than Julian "Does That Make Me Crazy? Probably" Tavarez taking Douche-K under his wing for tutelage in the ways of American baseball.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Can we all Settle Down About Dice-K? Please?
This is Daisuke Matsuzaka's second major league start. He has faced Kansas City and Seattle, two of the weakest offenses in the American League. Let's at least let this guy take a couple turns around the league before we start sending his karaoke microphone and Hello Kitty doll to Cooperstown for bronzing.
It is not unheard of, one might even call it commonplace, for a rookie or pitcher from across the seas, particularly one with an unusual delivery, to look impressive his first time through the league. Some pitchers, like Hideo Nomo, might even have a good season or two before the league catches up with them.
Yet, tonight, during ESPN2's coverage of Matsuzaka's Fenway Park deubt, producers treated viewers to a montage of Cy Young, Luis Tiant, Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez...and Matsuzaka. DURING HIS SECOND START. Can the media please stop slobbering on his Japanese cock until we all figure out if he's actually any good?
Moreoever, to all the Red Sox fans who brought signs with a drawing of dice and the letter K...your genius has blown us all away.
Also not needed...Peter Gammons calling Boston "a great baseball town" for the 94,575th time in his distinguished career. It's also a great racism town and a great traffic town, but let's just agree that it can all go unsaid for a while.
It is not unheard of, one might even call it commonplace, for a rookie or pitcher from across the seas, particularly one with an unusual delivery, to look impressive his first time through the league. Some pitchers, like Hideo Nomo, might even have a good season or two before the league catches up with them.
Yet, tonight, during ESPN2's coverage of Matsuzaka's Fenway Park deubt, producers treated viewers to a montage of Cy Young, Luis Tiant, Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez...and Matsuzaka. DURING HIS SECOND START. Can the media please stop slobbering on his Japanese cock until we all figure out if he's actually any good?
Moreoever, to all the Red Sox fans who brought signs with a drawing of dice and the letter K...your genius has blown us all away.
Also not needed...Peter Gammons calling Boston "a great baseball town" for the 94,575th time in his distinguished career. It's also a great racism town and a great traffic town, but let's just agree that it can all go unsaid for a while.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
An Open Letter to Sportswriters
If you are a sportswriter for a major media outlet, not a blogger, and not Bill Simmons, please please please please please do not write about music, films, television or anything else not involving bats, balls and sticks.
Peter "Prince, Schmince" King is most notorious for revealing himself to be a douche of such epic proportions through pop culture commentary that it's impossible to take anything he says about sports seriously. But he is not alone.
Peter Gammons, I used to admire you. I really did. I thought you were a wise old Andrew Jackson-looking sage put on this earth to reveal titillating trade rumors and bestow unto me amazing fantasy sleepers. But things have changed. I respect your love for music, but no one wants to hear your opinion of the latest Pearl Jam album.
Now comes this: "Barry Levinson's list of film credits reads like Henry Aaron's Cooperstown resume. 'Diner.' 'Rain Man.' And-on-and-on-and-on-and-on."
Think about this for a minute. Gammons is claiming that Barry Levinson is the Hank Aaron of directors. One of the two or three greatest of all time.
"Man of the Year." "Wag the Dog." "Jimmy Hollywood." "Sphere." "Toys." "Disclosure." And-on-and-on-and-on-and-on. What a resume.
Find me Hank Aaron seasons that are the equivalent of "Jimmy Hollywood."
Oh, and Peter? I do not give a fuck that Levinson thinks Josh Hamilton is the real-life Natural. Write 50 straight Theo Epstein dick-sucking columns for all I care. Just write about baseball.
Levinson says, "Hamilton is what Roy Hobbs was all about. Everyone deserves a second chance. If the kid is an example for other young people with problems, he can be a hero. The second chance is what America is about."
I'm pretty sure they were saying the same things about Lawrence Phillips a few years ago.
Peter "Prince, Schmince" King is most notorious for revealing himself to be a douche of such epic proportions through pop culture commentary that it's impossible to take anything he says about sports seriously. But he is not alone.
Peter Gammons, I used to admire you. I really did. I thought you were a wise old Andrew Jackson-looking sage put on this earth to reveal titillating trade rumors and bestow unto me amazing fantasy sleepers. But things have changed. I respect your love for music, but no one wants to hear your opinion of the latest Pearl Jam album.
Now comes this: "Barry Levinson's list of film credits reads like Henry Aaron's Cooperstown resume. 'Diner.' 'Rain Man.' And-on-and-on-and-on-and-on."
Think about this for a minute. Gammons is claiming that Barry Levinson is the Hank Aaron of directors. One of the two or three greatest of all time.
"Man of the Year." "Wag the Dog." "Jimmy Hollywood." "Sphere." "Toys." "Disclosure." And-on-and-on-and-on-and-on. What a resume.
Find me Hank Aaron seasons that are the equivalent of "Jimmy Hollywood."
Oh, and Peter? I do not give a fuck that Levinson thinks Josh Hamilton is the real-life Natural. Write 50 straight Theo Epstein dick-sucking columns for all I care. Just write about baseball.
Levinson says, "Hamilton is what Roy Hobbs was all about. Everyone deserves a second chance. If the kid is an example for other young people with problems, he can be a hero. The second chance is what America is about."
I'm pretty sure they were saying the same things about Lawrence Phillips a few years ago.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)