Monday, June 4, 2007

The Classiest Fans in the World

So, in the early innings of this weekend's Yankees/Red Sox series, a high pop fly was hit in ARod's direction. When the ball was in mid-air, you could feel a light bulb go off above the crowd's collective head, and thousands of voices screamed "Mine!" and "Hah!" at once. I chuckled, and for the briefest of moments, considered the possibility that Red Sox fans aren't the single worst group of people in the world.


Over the course of the rest of the series, the Fenway faithful proceeded to:

-Cheer wildly when Derek Jeter fouled a pitch off his foot and hopped around in obvious pain. (I thought only Philly fans cheered injuries.)
-Hold up paper cut-out masks in front of their faces of the woman with whom ARod was recently photographed.
-Give Blistery Josh Beckett a standing ovation as he left Sunday night's game, after he gave up 4 ER, 8 H and 3 BB in 6.1 IP, a performance which included putting his team in a 4-0 hole. Wow, those Boston fans really know their baseball.

Red Sox fans are philistines unfit to worship in the temple where they congregate. They are crude, ignorant, vicious, hypocritical, foul-smelling, bigoted, ugly motherfuckers who don't deserve to breathe the polluted air that infests their ugly, traffic-ridden hole of a city.

And Peter Gammons needs to stop jerking off during his sideline reports about the wonders of Beckett and Kevin Franchise. "Why, I remember seeing Youkilis play in the Cape Cod League, and he's completely transformed himself as a hitter through hard work and dedication, and..."

Go back to what you're good at, Pete: giving shitty music recommendations. (The statute of limitations has passed for mocking someone who's recently suffered a near-fatal brain aneurysm, right? Right??)