Douche-K Update

Red Sox apologists have given up arguing that Dice-K is a great pitcher; no rational argument can be made to that effect.

They have recently taken up the case, though, of claiming that if the dicey one can give them a few solid-to-good post-season starts, and help them win a championship, he will have been worth the $100 million.

So much for that theory, huh?

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Daisuke?

During last night's 5-3 Yankees win over the Bostonians, Yanks analyst Joe Girardi made a telling comment after Daisuke Matsuzaka threw his famed gyroball to Johnny Damon:

"It looks a lot like a pitch Jim Mecir used to throw when he was here with the Yankees."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I'm sorry Will Carroll, but the gyroball is essentially a changeup. A lot of guys throw those. Or maybe a screwball. Not as many throw those, but still some.

I'm sure Boy Wonder Theo Epstein is thrilled to have a $103 million Jim Mecir on his roster for the next eleventy thousand years. That's three straight losses for Douche-K, during which he allowed 13 runs in 18.1 innings. Against playoff contenders, he's 6-5 with a 4.66 ERA. And this was supposed to be his best year, before the league really figured him out.

Meanwhile, the Halos beat Seattle, so the Yankees pull to within one game (two in the loss column) of the Wild Card lead, with the Tigers another two games back. The Yankees once again control their own destiny, so it's important they at least gain a split in these next two games against the Red Sox. Roger Clemens and Chien-Ming Wang both need to be better than they've been.

With one Johnny Damon home run, and two strong innings from Joba Chamberlain and Mariano Rivera, the Yankees regained the momentum they lost on the road trip. It could be gone again by the end of the first inning tonight, so let's enjoy it while it's here.

Another Gem for Douche-K

Small comfort, I know, but Douche-K faced a real lineup last night and was knocked around yet again. 5.2 IP, 6 ER, 12 H, 0 BB, 4 K. 4.83 ERA for the season.

The new Pedro, folks. The new Pedro.

Welcome to the A.L., Bitch

Douche-K's line against the mighty Seattle lineup last night (The #5 hitter, Richie Sexson, is batting .150):

5 IP, 7 ER, 5 H, 5 BB, 1K

Douche-K's MLB stats to date:

3-2, 38 IP, 5.35 ERA, 1.32 WHIP

Pedro Redux

In two starts against the Yankees, Daisuke Matsuzaka has pitched 13.1 innings and yielded 10 earned runs. His stuff looks terrific, but the Yankees' lineup appears to have his number. Heralded as "The Japanese Pedro" upon signing with Boston, perhaps Douche-K is more like Pedro than anyone imagined: a great pitcher who the Yankees own.

As for the rest of the game last night, I seem to be experiencing some sort of blackout or memory lapse. I can't remember anything except success against Douche-K for a second straight outing.

Deifying Dice-K

Some comments from the Jon Miller-Joe Morgan-Peter Gammons coverage of Douche-K during last night's game.

-Matsuzaka has "captured the imagination of New England sports fans."
-His teammates are amazed that he can "dial it up and throw a lot harder when he needs to. That's the sign of a good pitcher."
-He's an amazing athlete. With "very, very light feet." An outstanding fielder.
-He actually likes to take ground balls at shortstop sometimes!
-Joe Morgan didn't think Matsuzaka was trying to hit either ARod or Jeter, despite raving about his command.

Somehow, during all of this slobbering and rushing to judgment, very little mention was made of Douche-K's massively mediocre performance: 7 IP, 6 ER, 8 H, 1 BB, 2 HBP, 7 K, 1 HR.

And for this he was given a standing ovation by the notoriously tough and demanding Fenway crowd. What would they do if he actually pitched a good game? Offer up their eldest daughters in sacrifice to his mighty Japanese cock?

On a related note, there could be no better turn of events for Yankees fans than Julian "Does That Make Me Crazy? Probably" Tavarez taking Douche-K under his wing for tutelage in the ways of American baseball.