Back in the Game

Phew. For a few weeks there, I was extremely concerned that the Earth had spun off into some parallel universe where Kyle Farnsworth was a good pitcher and everything was all licorice and sunbeams. I'm relieved today to learn that's not the case. Kyle Farnsworth still sucks, and apparently just had a run of good luck.

It's not even the two-run homer to Kevin Youkilis that bothers me. That stuff happens. It's the ensuing walk to Jason Varitek, putting the tying run on base. That was classic Farnsworth, not being aggressive, letting his emotions get the best of him. To the good fortune of Yankees fans everywhere, Joe Torre pulled the trigger at the right time and Mariano Rivera was his old dominant self.

Coupled with an Angels win in Seattle, the Yankees' victory over the BoSox pulls them into a tie for the Wild Card, one game back in the loss column. Where everything looked bleak and grim two days ago, suddenly there is hope in Yankeeland. This season has been full of tumultuous, unexpected swings, and this is another one.

The worst of the Yankees' schedule is over. They have four games left against Boston, three against Seattle, and then a lot of weak team (though Baltimore has been worrisome this year). Meanwhile, the Mariners have lost five in a row and have three miles of bad road ahead. The erstwhile home of Ken Griffey, Randy Johnson and ARod still has road games ahead against Detroit, Cleveland, Oakland, Anaheim and the Yanks.

I've been waiting all year for Seattle to show their true colors, and while I may have underestimated them a bit, I still don't think they're much more than a .500 team. Baseball Prospectus's adjusted standings has the Mariners at 66-64. Their PECOTA-adjusted playoff odds currently give the Yankees a 69 percent of reaching the post-season.

Of course, the way this year has gone, anything can still happen. But the Yankees' success against Boston this week, combined with the Mariners tumbling to Earth, has given them a shot again.

It's always nice to see Josh Beckett lose in Yankee Stadium, but he pitched well yesterday. The Yankees eked out a lot of lucky hits and infield singles, and Beckett prevented them from taking advantage of the opportunities that fate handed them. Roger Clemens actually looked shakier than Beckett, but managed to avoid giving up a hit until David Ortiz's monstrous home run in the sixth inning — a frightening reminder that we should still be very, very afraid of Papi.

Alex Rodriguez put another notch in his MVP belt with a solo home run in the seventh that ended up being the decider, as our esteemed leader would say.

The finale of this three-game set is being played today at 1 p.m. in the Bronx. I have no clue why they decided this would be a good time for a weekday afternoon game. I'll be listening at work on MLB radio. I find that listening to big games is more stressful than watching them. Something about not being able to see what's happening for myself, and being totally dependent on the (oft-incompetent) play-by-play man like a blind man relying on his dog.

At any rate, it's Wang vs. Schilling, a match-up that would seem to favor the Yankees.

Goodnight Hollywood Boulevard

Rally monkeys, thunder sticks and fans who don't know when to cheer until the scoreboard instructs them. Yep, we're back in Southern California.

Last night's 7-6 loss to the Angels was a brutal punch in the stomach. You can't call it a must-win on August 20, but when both Boston and Seattle had won earlier in the day, the game took on added importance, especially given the pitching matchups for the rest of this series, and Boston's cream-puff schedule.

The Yankees' offense didn't do enough against Dustin Moseley, and paid for the price for it eventually. The bullpen faltered badly as well, with Luis Vizcaino looking awful, Kyle Farnsworth returning to form and Sean Henn being Sean Henn. This game illustrated that on days when Joba can't pitch, the underbelly of the bullpen is still awfully weak and exploitable.

For once, Joe Torre did the right thing, bringing Mariano Rivera into a tie game on the road. Unfortunately, Mo's been a little tired lately and could only go one inning. My only argument with Torre in this game (other than using Farnsworth at all) is that I wouldn't have let Hughes come out to start the 7th. He struggled badly with his command all game, and looked gassed. It might not have made any difference, though, as poorly as the bullpen performed.

The Yankees need to split these next two games, or they could quickly find themselves back in a hole, on the outside looking in for both playoff spots.

The Barbarian at the Bullpen Gate

Lost amid this week's sadness, and the two tough losses in the past two days, was the fact that the Yankees pulled out a fantastic win on Monday night. Led by the heroics of a certain hero and leader of men, the Yankees rallied to win a game after Mariano Rivera blew a save. Most impressively, they won the game in the bottom of the ninth while Kyle Farnsworth stood in the bullpen, warmed up and ready to enter, and subsequently lose, the game. Ending the game with Farnsworth hovering, mere steps away from the pitching mound, was a narrow escape. Some similar phenomena:

• Awakening from a coma as the doctor is reaching to pull the plug, and the bony hand of the grim reaper is reaching for your supple throat.
• Having your dog break his leash and run away, but you manage to catch up to him just as he's about to trespass on Michael Vick's property.
• You're fighting Ivan Drago in an exhibition match, and though he's pummeling you, your corner man is smart enough to throw in the towel just before the Russian lands the death blow.
• R. Kelly is getting ready to urinate on your daughter, but he realizes he's a little dehydrated
• Joe Torre calls the bullpen to bring Scott Proctor into a 12-0 game, but is informed that Proctor's been traded. Frustrated that he can't add further wear and tear to Proctor's withered right arm, Torre kicks Edwar Ramirez in the teeth.
• Sofia Coppola is about to star in, and ruin, The Godfather III. Luckily, she grows ill at the last moment and Winina Ryder is forced to step in. Oh, wait...
• Curt Schilling is about to pitch a no-hitter, which will ensure he never, ever shuts his yap again. Two outs in the ninth, when Shannon Stewart steps to the plate...
• The evil Marwan is about to detonate a nuclear device in Los Angeles, and WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Jack Bauer finds out about the plot at the last possible moment.
• The greedy Yankees ownership plans to open a new, ugly Yankee Stadium to increase luxury-box revenue. Fans revolt, and the proposal is voted down by a narrow margin. Oh, wait...

Kyle Farnsworth: valued member of the Yankees community.

So Glad Scott Proctor's Gone

Another gem of an 8th inning by the team's resident redneck psycho crybaby, Farnsie Farnsworth: 1 IP, 2 H, 1 K, 2 HR.

Well done, Kyle. So glad you're still on the team. A fabulous audition for any poor team that may have been considering acquiring you on waivers.

Meanwhile, both Cleveland and Boston have won today, and Farnsworth has used his special brand of gasoline to take a close game and put it out of reach.

DFA this asshole tonight.

DFA Kyle Farnsworth Tonight. I Beg You.

Serial arsonist Kyle Farnsworth used to be known as a million-dollar arm with a ten-cent brain. These days, the arm and brain are much more closely aligned. They are both retarded.

It is criminally irresponsible for Joe Torre to bring him into the 8th inning of a tie game when there are other players (any other players, including Wade Boggs) available to pitch. And Brian Cashman is simply not doing his job when he allows Farnsy to remain on the roster for Torre to misuse him.

Perhaps the Yankees are trying to lose games. Every beat writer, blogger and casual, drunk fan at the Stadium knows that Farnsworth is probably going to give up a run in any given appearance. Even the dense Michael Kay sounds exhausted when reading Farnsworth's rap sheet. It makes no sense that baseball men with as much experience as Cashman and Torre don't know the same thing. So perhaps we're looking at a "Major League" scenario in which the top brass is actively trying to lose. Or maybe the manager and GM have entered into some bizarre career-suicide pact, and they're trying to leave the Yankees a sub-.500 team before they go. Maybe it's just one last "fuck you" to George Steinbrenner and his brethren.

Because nobody in their right mind thinks Kyle Farnsworth is going to help you win games.

Survive and Move On

The Yankees didn't play great baseball over the weekend, but they survived, beating Tampa 7-6 on Sunday to take three of four from the D-Rays.

Every series at this point is a must win if the Yankees are going to entertain champagne wishes and post-season dreams. It doesn't really matter how they win, as long as they do.

The Yankees didn't play particularly well in this series, and they were particularly lucky to get through the eighth inning yesterday without a catastrophe. Kyle Farnsworth is no longer just a fire-starter, he's the serial arsonist from "Backdraft." So far this season, the bespectacled one has made 40 appearances. He has retired the side in order in just five of those appearances.

Mike Mussina, the finicky cat, was knocked around for 11 hits in 6 innings after a long layoff. We all know that Mike Mussina can only be effective when he is on exactly 96 hours rest, no more, no less. And the temperature must be between 63 and 78 degrees. And he has to sleep at a Holiday Inn if the team's on the road. And his eggs the morning he pitches must be runny, though the bacon must be burnt.

Game ball to Andy Phillips, for having a big day at the plate and making a spectacular diving catch/double-play to rescue Farnsworth from the fire he set himself.

Now the Yankees have more surviving to do, as they must somehow get through Kei Igawa's start tonight.