- Awakening from a coma as the doctor is reaching to pull the plug, and the bony hand of the grim reaper is reaching for your supple throat.
- Having your dog break his leash and run away, but you manage to catch up to him just as he's about to trespass on Michael Vick's property.
- You're fighting Ivan Drago in an exhibition match, and though he's pummeling you, your corner man is smart enough to throw in the towel just before the Russian lands the death blow.
- R. Kelly is getting ready to urinate on your daughter, but he realizes he's a little dehydrated
- Joe Torre calls the bullpen to bring Scott Proctor into a 12-0 game, but is informed that Proctor's been traded. Frustrated that he can't add further wear and tear to Proctor's withered right arm, Torre kicks Edwar Ramirez in the teeth.
- Sofia Coppola is about to star in, and ruin, The Godfather III. Luckily, she grows ill at the last moment and Winina Ryder is forced to step in. Oh, wait...
- Curt Schilling is about to pitch a no-hitter, which will ensure he never, ever shuts his yap again. Two outs in the ninth, when Shannon Stewart steps to the plate...
- The evil Marwan is about to detonate a nuclear device in Los Angeles, and WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Jack Bauer finds out about the plot at the last possible moment.
- The greedy Yankees ownership plans to open a new, ugly Yankee Stadium to increase luxury-box revenue. Fans revolt, and the proposal is voted down by a narrow margin. Oh, wait...
Kyle Farnsworth: valued member of the Yankees community.