Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Mine is Not a High Horse

Well, lookie who's at it again. Schilling. The Schillmeister. The Big Schillbowski. Take it away, douchefucker, and lay your sweet wisdom upon us:

"I mean, [Bonds] admitted that he used steroids," Schilling said. "I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner trying to figure out where to be. It's sad.

"And I don't care that he's black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It's unfortunate … there's good people and bad people. It's unfortunate that it's happening the way it's happening."

I hate Barry Bonds as much as the next guy, and I think his assault on baseball's most beloved records in the face of overwhelming evidence that he took steroids (and amphetamines) is a blight on the game. But as usual, Curt Schilling needs to shut his goddamn mouth.

What in the fucking name of holy fuck does Barry Bonds cheating on his wife have to do with anything? Are only the pure of heart allowed to break records now? I'm pretty sure that half the players in baseball cheat on their wives, and I'm equally sure that it is NONE OF CURT SCHILLING'S FUCKING BUSINESS. Pray for their souls on Sunday, Curt, but do it quietly.

And what does cheating on taxes have to do with anything? Is Schilling trying to pull an Eliot Ness and nail Bonds on tax fraud, somehow invalidating his home run record? I know Curt is all Republican and stuffy and deeply offended by people not doing their patriotic duties, but give me a break.

I also like the preemptive defense against accusations of racism, which pretty much succeeds in convincing me that Schilling is, in fact, a racist.

Really, I think we need to take a step back here and look at what just happened. Curt Schilling publicly attacked another baseball player for cheating on his wife and cheating on his taxes, claimed that those deeds somehow made Bonds less than worthy to break baseball records, then non-sequitured that he doesn't hate black people.

Stand back as I unleash a string of meaningless, old-timey cliches at The Mouth That Would Not Close:

  • Judge not, lest ye be judged
  • People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
  • When you point the finger at someone, the other four are pointing back at yourself
  • When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me
  • Go fuck yourself, Curt Schilling