Friday, July 13, 2007

Bud Selig Should Just Throw Up His Hands in an Effeminate Display of Self-Doubt Again

Dear Buster Olney:

I do not care whether Bud Selig attends the game in which Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's record. I do not care whether sportswriters think Bud Selig should or should not attend the game in which Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's record. Kindly stop wasting space in your blog, which I rely on for out-of-town news and occasionally some decent analysis, linking to the opinions of these morons.

Apparently, every sports columnist in America received a memo before the season stating that they're contractually required to weigh in on this riveting national debate. They should have all gotten together in March and teamed up to write two columns: one pro-attendance, and one anti-attendance. Instead, they wrote hundreds of articles individually based on the same two theses.

Bud Selig should watch 756 in person because as commissioner, he has a responsibility to the game, and he can't cherry-pick which aspects of the sport he associates with. And Barry Bonds never even failed a drug test! If Selig rode the McGwire/Sosa season to respectability, he would be a hypocrite to ignore Bonds now.


How dare Bud Selig even consider attending the record-breaking game? Barry Bonds is a disgrace to this wonderful pastime of ours, and Selig's presence is a silent approval of the legions of players who broke the rules (AND THE LAW) for their own financial gain.

There. I just wrote both columns. That's all that needs to be said. The next writer that Buster Olney links to who feels the need to chime in with his own derivative opinion on this topic will be an official enemy of That's my promise.