It's 2007. By this time, we were supposed to have flying cars, robot maids, human clones and the ability to time travel. Instead...we have tiny, flavorless ice cream pellets. Yay, humanity.
Last night at the old ballyard, I noticed the Comiskey Park scoreboard advertising "Dippin' Dots...the ice cream of the future!"
I feel the need to clarify a couple things here. First, Dippin' Dots have been around for years now, and they need a new slogan. Tang is no longer the beverage of the future. It's the beverage of the past's pathetic imagined future. Same for Dippin' Dots. You can't advertise these things as being the ice cream of the future for a full decade, during which time no events have transpired that indicate Dippin' Dots are taking over the world, gaining a foothold in the marketplace and destroying the sales of pussy traditional ice creams.
Second, if Dippin' Dots truly is the ice cream of the future, can someone hand me a rope and the Michael Hutchence Guide to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation, because that's a future I want no
* photo courtesy of Random Fat Kids