Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Opening DeSalvo

See, I can write headlines for the Post.

Despite a terrific effort from 26-year-old Matt DeSalvo, the Yankees suffered yet another soul-crushing loss last night to Seattle. Here's who to blame:

1) Umpire Gerry Davis
In the top of the 8th, Davis made one of the most egregious blown calls I've ever seen, calling Willie Bloomquist (who's white, by the way) safe at second base on an attempted steal despite being clearly tagged out by Robinson Cano two feet shy of the bag. Davis's excuse: "The throw was to the first-base side and pulled Robinson toward me a little bit, so I couldn't see the runner's hands. Normally when the runner is tagged on his backside, his hands are at the bag. That obviously wasn't the case tonight." This douchefucker is essentially admitting that he doesn't actually look to see if the runner is safe or out. He just makes assumptions based on where he gets tagged. I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of what good umpiring is supposed to be. Bloomquist scored on a blooper to tie the game, and that was that. Now the Yankees are 14-16 instead of 15-15, and Jerry Davis is still a stupid fuck who should be fired.

2) Mariano Rivera
I'll chalk this one up to a fluke, rather than part of a disturbing pattern of Mariano struggling this year. Mo seemed to have good stuff, he just missed his location a little bit, and Beltre did a great job. Still not the way you want to lose a game though.

3) The lineup
Yes, the Yankees have scored a lot of runs this season, but a lot of that was due to ARod's blazing first three weeks. Let's take a closer look:

Johnny Damon - .250/.368/.364. Apparently, someone replaced Damon during the off-season with the 2005 version of Bernie Williams, only with a girlier throwing arm.

Derek Jeter - .352/.424./.451. Still the one we long for, although the continued power decline is a tad worrisome.

Bobby Abreu - .256/.336./.312. Uh oh. Speaking of power outages...

AlexRod - .350/.412/.775. Saved the team's ass the first three weeks of the season. Nothing since.

Jason Giambi - .305/.407/.495. Having a good year, but more home runs would be nice.

Hideki Matsui - .273/.414/.473. As with many of these hitters, the OBP is impressive, but more power would surely help.

Jorge Posada - .351/.421/.553. Jorge will have a great year until he breaks down physically in July from having to play virtually every game, because the backup catcher is a rotting corpse.

Robinson Cano - .259/.309/.339. Please God don't let 2006 be a fluke. Please God don't let 2006 be a fluke. Please God don't let 2006 be a fluke...

Minky - .211/.282/.380. Oh, Minky. Where to begin? Your futility is obvious to everyone except those in charge. I know you wear lots of eye-black, hike up your stockings and look vaguely hustle-y, and that might fool some people, BUT YOU FUCKING SUCK. Sorry, dude. It's true.

Essentially, Damon, Abreu, Cano and the Mink-man are black holes in the lineup right now. And none of them are assured to turn it around. One of them is assured not to turn it around, though. Can we please get some more at-bats for The Catcher Hunter, Josh Phelps?